Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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