I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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