It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
