My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
