I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
