I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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