Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize