i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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