i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
