Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
