He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Lo siento on account of my penis...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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