I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
