Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
