If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
