hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
