my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Panties = found
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