you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
