Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
