Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
