HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My penis needs a shock collar
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
