smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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