I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
