Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
