But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
