What did we do last night that was yellow?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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