She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
