What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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