you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
