I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
