Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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