Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
