can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You may now shotgun with the bride
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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