She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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