***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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