If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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