She announced her abortion via fbk
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
