Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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