Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
