I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
