The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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