Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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