I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
