Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
where are you?
Hypothermia
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
