Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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