I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
