He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
