dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
