ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
