Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
