How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
