i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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