She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
