Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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