if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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