hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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