I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize