This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
