Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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