it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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