My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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