Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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