i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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