oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
