I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
