Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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