Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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