We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
