She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
