my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
