Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I deserve this hangover.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
