My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
