I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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