First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
