Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
