This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
