I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
