Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
